Epic Spider Battle
Round 1: When I notice the large spider in the bathroom and I am momentarily taken aback by his impressive size. Even without my certification in arachnid identification, I quickly assess that creature is clearly a slightly larger and less hairy relative of the tarantula. Thankfully, my killer instinct kicks in and I remember that while the spider is large, he is still smaller than my husband’s shoe. I quickly retrieve the shoe and return to find the spider M.I.A. Spider wins Round 1.
Round 2: I decide the house is simply not large enough for the both of us. Carrying the shoe purposefully out in front, like the deadly weapon that it is, I re enter the bathroom. I decide it must be my lucky day because the spider was so kind as to crawl into the shower. Sweeeeeet! This is going to be so easy, it’s not even fair. I turn the water on, watch the spider shrivel up and then float to the top. I realize he’s far too large to go down the drain, NO PROBLEM, I have a plan.
I exchange the shoe with a paper towel to transport the spider out of the shower and will flush him down the drain. When I pick the spider up and he is out of the water, he quickly unravels and begins crawling toward my arm. My multitasking skills are put to the test, as I throw him back in the shower and turn the water back on, all while simultaneously screaming. Spider wins Round 2.
Round 3: Every time a hair brushes my shoulder/arm I am convinced it is another spider, so I take a brief time-out to pull my hair up. By this time, the spider is curled up playing possum again, but now I am keen to his deceptive ways. I rearm myself with the deadly shoe, I am certain to be victorious. With all the strength I have, I swing the shoe at the spider at the perfect angle that propels him out of the water and toward my face. Amazingly, I managed to then swing the shoe like a tennis racket and propel him back into the shower. Spider wins Round 3.
Round 4: I am too busy catching my breath, and shaking my head in disbelief to actively participate. THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING. Spider wins Round 4, by default.
Round 5: I am nothing, if not determined. Clearly my Wonder Woman approach is not working, so I decide to take a softer approach. I slowly bent down and every so gently pressed the spider into
the ceramic. TKO. I may have lost the first four rounds, but I emerge victorious.